“Inside 1”2020. Yvette Hess. Copyright.
35cm x 35 cm on Fine Art Textured Silk paper 270gsm.
Limited to 10 editions.
To say that I did not experience suicidal thoughts, urges, impulses, during lockdown would be a lie. Was I supposed to be hospitalized a few times this year, and in lockdown? Yes. But due to many reasons, I could not.
I painted through so much in this time. Through the motions of everything. And not just ‘uncertainty’, I painted through decisions I had to make, tasks that felt hard, and my silences. I just didn’t understand that I was battling my silences, instead of also accepting them as part of “dealing”, “being”, and healing.
I’m so grateful I had my iPad and it recorded all my finger movements. Thankfully I do that with all my work. Behind this painting are the words “find something, find anything”. Those were the words that repeating themselves, over and over at the height of one of my episodes. “Just find something, find anything, Yvette.” I would either sit in bed and paint or on the balcony, under the moon, if I felt safe as were on the third floor.
And I did. Of course, I was supported, time and time again. Yes by medical professionals, my coach.
These are available as limited prints, 35cm 35cm.
These paintings remind me to listen to the voice inside, to find something, to find anything, that brings me back to me. Maybe it can do the same for you?
And to remind you that you have choice. You always have a choice in how you want to experience the hard stuff too. Maybe it’s a matter of learning that we have more choices than we think. Especially in choosing to look at why would feel so overwhelmed, which beliefs we are choosing to believe.
These form part of the bigger body of work I’ve made over this time, which I’ll call “You’ll find me here”. Who knew I could find myself in my work, it is my voice.