News — feeling out loud

These are my birthday roses from March.   They are still in my room. I can’t seem to throw them away. I move them from corner to corner, on the window sill or even on the floor. I keep them on display, I keep them safe. I find them still so beautiful, helpless, delicately holding their pose, admiring their nature, to be roses, at every stage of their lives. Drooping slowly, slowly, and yet frozen dead- their bloom alive only as memory. I’ve drawn them, I’ve got lots of photos and I tell them, “You’re still important to me, I...

I am a suicide survivor. All I can share is what I learn while in the dark which comes time and time again. I know that Every day counts; Every breath counts.I also know that many of us want to be heroes but not every one wants to be saved. That helplessness is loaded with so many things. One day the war will be over, but for now, all I know is the battle that is 'Yve', the battle to find the reason to stay, to SEE the Y in all of this chaos and pathway to grace.But when I...

Oh Regret, I see you have come to visit again. We used to spend day and night together, Yes, I remember those times. I was young and you were bitter. Sweet Regret, This time your visits are shorter, Less bitter. Maybe it’s in the weather? Maybe it’s you- You’ve changed for the better. Your friends, Disappointment, grief and heartache have come along too. That’s fine- let them in. We can all gather round and have some tea. I’m so much braver now you see. Let me tell you straight to your face, Regret. I no longer fret. I have lived. I live still, not...

I watch the waves crashing, coming for me, then easing back - becoming the whole body. Sometimes I catch the moment it breaks- I hear the ache as it crashes into itself. It slowly fizzles all the way until that fizz reaches to greet me Right at my feet: Fresh and Pure. And forgiving. A new wave has come and gone. I stay watching. Tomorrow the pull will be different and the waves will be too. It's all water, Moving. I watch, as the One between sea and sky Just as the Moon above sky and sea.

“I will Become, I am afterall, so Unbecoming.Dear Diary,Another day is here.Another went by.Writing, drawing, waiting. I lie. Not waiting. But trying to invite the fullness of waiting.In the mean time, it's all just here and not yet there.Physically here, but haven't yet determined what my coordinates are. Wait. What if I don't have any?Crazy burns.Ps I look at this picture and I see the personage I want to embrace. She looks like she's onto something and that she needs nothing. No need. No need to explain. And it's enough.I'm out.“ posted to Instagram 29.12.2020